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Hard Truths

15 April 2015

The road to self-improvement is a long one. It's a tough one and an emotional one.

It makes you examine yourself under the magnifying glass and the unforgiving white fluorescent of a cold beauty clinic. A brutally honest beautician with personality flaws so obvious that they stare at you in the face, staring at the flaws on your face - tuts and tsks aplenty. Except this time she isn't trying to sell you a serum that has more alcohol than can be good for you. She isn't even pushing you towards that $80 exfoliator because she's convinced you need to exfoliate more often even though you insist you do it twice a week and no I don't want to try it on the back of my hand and no I don't want to buy the value pack that is only on special for today and every day of the year. No, this time she just wants to help.

In the early hours of this morning, a realisation hit me. A few, actually. Perhaps a few more than I'd like to address in myself, but ignorance can no longer be bliss, so knowledge will have to be power. 

Numero uno -

Procrastination ends here, my friend.
When has anyone ever said, "thank goodness I waited so long to start this assignment that there is now only two hours until it's due, oh how I love last-minute stress"? You are correct. The answer is: no one in the history of ever.
I've read somewhere that if you try to remember how good it feels when you submit an assignment early or on time (these memories are usually quite hazy; also few and far between), it can help with motivating you to get that task in. Frankly, I'll try anything at this point. As a habitual last-minuter (my last-minuting can be traced back to grade six; also my habit of making up words), I don't imagine becoming an early bird (who wants the worm anyway?) is something that will happen with ease. But I must try, for my own sanity and for that of my family who have to deal with the headless chicken I turn into when I'm last-minuting something.

Numero dos (not quite as catchy, I have to admit) -

Enough saying, more doing.
I've had to come to terms with the fact that on occasion, I can be one of those despicable human beings who half-heartedly agrees to things only to find a last-minute excuse to wiggle their way out of the commitment. It's far worse than just declining offers or favours to begin with, and I'm embarrassed I hadn't realised this before. I should think long and hard before agreeing to take on anything, or at least try not to complain when I do take on tasks or attend events as I promised I would. As it says in James; 'let your "yes" be yes and your "no" be no, which brings me onto my third issue...

Numero three -
It's okay to say no sometimes.
Being socially awkward and anxious, I fret and then fret some more over what people might be thinking of me. The thought of someone thinking badly or being disappointed in me compels me to agree to things I don't necessarily want to do. This point is the inverse of the previous one. There really is nothing wrong with declining things on occasion. You should not be made to feel guilty just because you haven't gone along with someone's every whim. 
Besides, who wants a grudgeful person around when you can have a cheerful giver. Be that cheerful giver, Karina. Just not on weekends. And days ending with Y. 

Now that I've moved out of the denial phase, it's onwards and upwards from here (...right guys?) *anxiously needs social approval*
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